Questions to Ask Your Significant Other

Laura Pulliam
May 22
4 min read

"Choose only a date who would make a good mate."

DIRECTIONS:

Use this list to get you started thinking about the future. Every relationship is speeding toward one of two options -- marriage or a breakup. By discussing these “big” topics early on, you can either bring on that breakup before you invest too much time and emotional energy into the other person or bring you a few leaps closer to spending forever with your spouse! It’s a high-risk approach, but it also carries the potential for high-reward. Step one, as always, is pray! And then relax. God already knows the plans He has for you.

PAST / FUTURE

Have you had any past relationships? (Find out if there is residual pain/hurt associated with those relationships.)
What are significant experiences that have shaped you as a person? (This can include both good and bad experiences.)
How do you react to frustrations or
Do you (or anyone in your immediate family) struggle with any addictive behaviors? How do you manage that and plan to continue managing that in the future?
What are your educational goals? Career goals?
What do you currently do for a living and do you see yourself doing that long-term? If you think you might change positions or careers, when might that happen? What are you currently doing to set yourself up for that “next step”?
Describe what your life looks like in 5 years, 10 years, 30 years.

FAMILY

What is your family life like? What is your relationship with your mom/dad, brothers/sisters, extended family like?
How important is it to stay connected to your family now? How important will it be to stay connected to your family of origin after marriage?
To what lengths would you go to help a family member in trouble? How far is too far?
Do you see yourself staying connected to your family’s holiday/special occasion traditions once you have a husband/wife of your own? Are there family traditions you would like to carry over into your future family?
What role does your family play in your life & decision making now? What role will it play in the future?

SEX / INTIMACY

Why do you believe God created sex? (The Bible suggests several purposes: pleasure, children, oneness, knowledge, protection, comfort.)
What are your views on physical intimacy (not “just” sex) before marriage?
How has your perspective on sexuality been shaped? And who helped shape that perspective (for better or for worse)?
What is your past sexual history and how might that impact your relationship?
What expectations do you have for the role of sex in a marriage?
What is your primary and secondary love language? (You can take the test here.)

SECRETS & EXPECTATIONS

Do you have any health problems that may affect your future? What are your views on maintaining a healthy lifestyle?
Do you have any financial problems that may affect your future? What are your views on maintaining healthy finances?
Do you have any secrets that may affect the people you love?
What are your views on the relationship between work and personal life?
How important is your job to you now? Do you see that changing after you are engaged or married? What would you be willing to sacrifice for this relationship to continue and succeed?
What are your expectations of your spouse when it comes to financial contribution to the marriage? Chores and home management (including cooking)? Child rearing?

MONEY / RESOURCES

How is your current financial situation?
Do you have any debt and how/when are you going to pay it off?
How do you feel about sharing of finances with your future spouse? Will you have joint accounts?
What are your spending habits? Do you tend to buy “big toys” (electronics, outdoor equipment, vehicles, etc.), little splurges (manicures, eating out, etc.), or very little in terms of “extras”?
What are your views on saving? Tithing? Additional giving?
What resources would you bring into a marriage (for example, furniture, house, vehicles)?

FAITH

What role does your faith play in your life?
Have you always been a Christian? Was there a time in your life when your relationship with Jesus was strongest? The weakest?
What do you believe are the biblical responsibilities of a husband? Of a wife? What is the meaning of headship and submission in the Bible?
Who do you believe carries the burden of spiritual responsibility in a marriage?
What is your prayer life like?
How often do you read the Bible on your own? With others?
How often to do attend corporate worship? If not weekly, why not?
What do you believe happens in baptism? Is it something God does for us (sacramental) or something we do in response to God (sacrificial)?
What do you believe happens in communion? Is it something God does for us (sacramental) or something we do in response to God (sacrificial)?
Do you believe the Bible is God’s Word or do you believe the Bible contains God’s Word?
What do you believe happens after we die? Do you believe in heaven? In hell?
How important is your current denomination to you? Would you be willing to change in order to attend worship with your future spouse?

CHILDREN & MARRIAGE

When do you see yourself getting married? Is there anything you are planning to do or accomplish before getting engaged?
Do you envision yourself having a big wedding with all your family and friends or a small wedding with only your closest family and friends?
Where do you see yourself living after you get married?
After marriage, where do you see yourself working? Your spouse?
What are your expectations for how much time a married couple spends together? Apart?
How do you handle conflict? What makes you angry? How do you handle your frustration or anger? (Do you get quiet or want to talk it out?)
What strengths would you bring to a married relationship? What weaknesses?
Describe your ideal married “date night.” Describe your ideal married “normal night.”
How many children do you hope to have?
What if you and your spouse are unable to get pregnant? Have you ever thought about adoption?
How were you parented and what are your personal views on parenting?
Who will take care of your future children and what are your views on day care, schooling, etc?
How will you ensure your children are brought up in the faith?

"Choose only a date who would make a good mate."

Have you had any past relationships? (Find out if there is residual pain/hurt associated with those relationships.)

What are significant experiences that have shaped you as a person? (This can include both good and bad experiences.)

How do you react to frustrations or

Do you (or anyone in your immediate family) struggle with any addictive behaviors? How do you manage that and plan to continue managing that in the future?

What are your educational goals? Career goals?

What do you currently do for a living and do you see yourself doing that long-term? If you think you might change positions or careers, when might that happen? What are you currently doing to set yourself up for that “next step”?

Describe what your life looks like in 5 years, 10 years, 30 years.

What is your family life like? What is your relationship with your mom/dad, brothers/sisters, extended family like?

How important is it to stay connected to your family now? How important will it be to stay connected to your family of origin after marriage?

To what lengths would you go to help a family member in trouble? How far is too far?

Do you see yourself staying connected to your family’s holiday/special occasion traditions once you have a husband/wife of your own? Are there family traditions you would like to carry over into your future family?

What role does your family play in your life & decision making now? What role will it play in the future?

Why do you believe God created sex? (The Bible suggests several purposes: pleasure, children, oneness, knowledge, protection, comfort.)

What are your views on physical intimacy (not “just” sex) before marriage?

How has your perspective on sexuality been shaped? And who helped shape that perspective (for better or for worse)?

What is your past sexual history and how might that impact your relationship?

What expectations do you have for the role of sex in a marriage?

What is your primary and secondary love language? (You can take the test here.)

Do you have any health problems that may affect your future? What are your views on maintaining a healthy lifestyle?

Do you have any financial problems that may affect your future? What are your views on maintaining healthy finances?

Do you have any secrets that may affect the people you love?

What are your views on the relationship between work and personal life?

How important is your job to you now? Do you see that changing after you are engaged or married? What would you be willing to sacrifice for this relationship to continue and succeed?

What are your expectations of your spouse when it comes to financial contribution to the marriage? Chores and home management (including cooking)? Child rearing?

How is your current financial situation?

Do you have any debt and how/when are you going to pay it off?

How do you feel about sharing of finances with your future spouse? Will you have joint accounts?

What are your spending habits? Do you tend to buy “big toys” (electronics, outdoor equipment, vehicles, etc.), little splurges (manicures, eating out, etc.), or very little in terms of “extras”?

What are your views on saving? Tithing? Additional giving?

What resources would you bring into a marriage (for example, furniture, house, vehicles)?

What role does your faith play in your life?

Have you always been a Christian? Was there a time in your life when your relationship with Jesus was strongest? The weakest?

What do you believe are the biblical responsibilities of a husband? Of a wife? What is the meaning of headship and submission in the Bible?

Who do you believe carries the burden of spiritual responsibility in a marriage?

What is your prayer life like?

How often do you read the Bible on your own? With others?

How often to do attend corporate worship? If not weekly, why not?

What do you believe happens in baptism? Is it something God does for us (sacramental) or something we do in response to God (sacrificial)?

What do you believe happens in communion? Is it something God does for us (sacramental) or something we do in response to God (sacrificial)?

Do you believe the Bible is God’s Word or do you believe the Bible contains God’s Word?

What do you believe happens after we die? Do you believe in heaven? In hell?

How important is your current denomination to you? Would you be willing to change in order to attend worship with your future spouse?

When do you see yourself getting married? Is there anything you are planning to do or accomplish before getting engaged?

Do you envision yourself having a big wedding with all your family and friends or a small wedding with only your closest family and friends?

Where do you see yourself living after you get married?

After marriage, where do you see yourself working? Your spouse?

What are your expectations for how much time a married couple spends together? Apart?

How do you handle conflict? What makes you angry? How do you handle your frustration or anger? (Do you get quiet or want to talk it out?)

What strengths would you bring to a married relationship? What weaknesses?

Describe your ideal married “date night.” Describe your ideal married “normal night.”

How many children do you hope to have?

What if you and your spouse are unable to get pregnant? Have you ever thought about adoption?

How were you parented and what are your personal views on parenting?

Who will take care of your future children and what are your views on day care, schooling, etc?

How will you ensure your children are brought up in the faith?

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