How to Make Friends as an Adult

It is hard to make friends as an adult. 

When you were a kid, friendships seemed like they just happened all the time. In reality, being in school connected us with peers, our parents arranged playdates for us, and finding a new friend was as simple as literally asking somebody, “Do you want to be friends?” 

And if it seems like it would be weird as an adult to ask some random person you just met if they want to be friends… that’s because it is. Don’t do that. 

Have you ever looked around and wondered what happened to many of the friendships you used to have? Maybe you moved to a different place, or started a new job, or had kids and suddenly, you realize that you haven’t chatted with your old friends in what feels like forever. 

It’s not you, and it’s not them either.

The fault actually lies in the fast-paced, exceedingly mobile world in which we live. You aren’t as close with the people you went to high school or college with because you all moved away and are trying to keep up with the demands of life. If you’ve realized that you don’t have as many social connections as you used to, you’re not alone. Maybe it’s time to reach out to that old friend and catch up. Maybe it’s time to make some new friends in this new season of life.

If making new friends as an adult were easy, there wouldn’t be things like Bumble BFF, which is like an online dating platform but to find platonic friendships. But if - like me - making an online profile makes you cringe, there are some organic ways to foster connections with other people. 

Now, to the introverts who are still reading this, don’t close the laptop just yet. Before I jump to the strategies, you need to hear this: You may not have the social energy stores that the crowd-loving extroverts do, but you do have some social energy. And if you are strategic about how you use that energy to make a connection with someone, having a friend who understands you and with whom you can share joys and challenges is worth it. Friendship is a basic human need. Don’t miss out on the chance to forge the kind of friendship that will make life richer just because it will require exerting some effort. Keep an eye on your social energy tank’s gauge, but you can do this too.

So here are three ways we can make or maintain friendships:

1.) Take initiative!

Friendships are made; they don’t just happen. Remember that everybody is busy. Everybody has demands on their time. If it’s been a while since you’ve heard from an old friend, reach out. And if you are hoping to forge new friendships, be the person who strikes up the conversation. Ask yourself what seems like it could be a point of commonality between you and the person you sat next to at the kids’ sport practice, and start there. The crazy weather lately, and how often we’ll have to mow the grass now, is where I might start.

2.) Use the social media tools, but don’t let them use you.

Under oath, Meta recently revealed that only 17% of the content people see on Facebook and only 7% of the content people see on Instagram actually comes from their “friends.” Up to 93% of what we see on social media isn’t actually “social.” It’s just media. If we are looking to social media for connection with others, it probably won’t deliver unless we intentionally use it for that purpose. Use social media to foster in-person interactions - like, for example, finding out about events that are happening in your area. That way when you are talking with that other parent at your kids’ sport practice about mowing the grass, and how satisfying it is to crack a cold one and admire your freshly cut lawn, you’ll know that if they like cold beverages too that there is an event happening at the local watering hole that would be a great place to hangout at another time. 

3.) Pray.

Pray for your friends. Pray for the opportunity to make new friends. There’s a reason why the old hymn says, “What a friend we have in Jesus.” He understands us, is always there for us, and - most importantly - has provided us a home with Him forever. 

It is hard to make friends as an adult. But even though nobody says that it’s easy, with a little effort it is possible.  

<>< Pastor Mark T Pulliam

P.S. If you are looking to make more friends at church, here’s what I’d recommend:

• Show up for set-up (8:30am) or Circle time (9:30am) on Sunday mornings. We can always use an extra hand, and it’s a great place to get to know others. 

• Stick around after worship, grab a cup of coffee and donut, and start a conversation with somebody. 

• Join or start a Discipleship Group. Groups are a great way to get to know people in a smaller setting where there is more time built in to connect with others. Send me a message, and I’ll send you the list of Groups that are currently meeting and how you could get involved.